so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Someone came in the potted fern
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
