Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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