my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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