I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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