You really coming over, don't trick.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
