She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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