Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We don't watch enough power rangers
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
