I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
