As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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