Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
