You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
