You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
