My friends, they love my intelligence
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
