I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
