i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize