I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
