so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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