don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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