I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
