so explain again why im purple
no
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
