Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
