two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
