I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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