I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
