i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
