We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
