i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
