garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize