I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
