i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
