I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
