If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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