where am i from again
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
