I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My penis needs a shock collar
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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