Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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