smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
