Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
