I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
