tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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