final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
