are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
