the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
All I want is dick and wine.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
