i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
