he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
