The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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