Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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