In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
