tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
