return my video game
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
