Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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