I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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