you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
