you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
