I will die if light touches me.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
