you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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