A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
