I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
