Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
