my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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