he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
