It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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