I'm jealous of your bromance
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
