I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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