Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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