If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
