she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just high enough for therapy.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
