it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
