im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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