the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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