So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
