He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
