Don't make out with my wife yet
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i think my cat just said my name.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
