I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
